GFK 101

GFK was once asked what he doesn't do well. After a momentary pause he responded, “Humble.” Clearly stated and understood by all who know him.

So if you guys read The 411, you might have said, "Ummm... GFK?"

GFK is my best friend of four years. Defining our friendship, or even writing about it, might prove to be one of the most difficult challenges I'll ever set for myself. However, no matter what I end up saying about him, the story always starts the same:

It was my first day on the job at Reeve Memorial Union and someone was supposed to train me. I found my manager and she said, "I'll be right back. I'm going to get GFK." I immediately thought, "Oh my God, here we go." Because you always get stuck with this crusty old dude who's been with the company for way too long. Very boring.

Well, not so much. GFK walked out. I looked at my engagement ring (I'd been wearing it a solid 3 days) and groaned, "Oh, shit." Out comes this tall, gorgeous young thing with sparkling blue eyes and one hell of a swagger. The flirtation was heavy, but we were both very dedicated to our significant others (he had a girlfriend of over a year). We talked at work, but never really hung out outside of it, talked on the phone, texted or anything else that might suggest something outside of a normal coworker relationship. GFK and his girlfriend eventually did break up, but I remained tied down by the ring on my finger. (I'll explain in a later post why I can't seem to mention my engagement in a positive manner.)

The moment I stopped working for the Union (May 2008), GFK and I stopped talking. Whether or not we made contact outside of work, my engagement was in serious danger with him around: my imagination would wander constantly--what would it be like if GFK and I were both single? Awesome, probably.

It wasn't until 9 months after I quit Reeve that I ran into GFK at the library. We got to talking, exchanged numbers, and started hanging out pretty regularly, mostly consisting of visits to the library to do homework. Except you couldn't get us to shut up, so nothing ever got done.

My next vivid memory of him takes place in my kitchen during my junior year. He was cooking for me--pan-seared tilapia, asparagus, and mushrooms--and telling me I needed to end my relationship with Freckled. (He didn't have freckles or anything, but every time I think of him, I think of my engagement ring, which had pretty poor clarity. It was freckled and dirty, like our relationship.)

At any rate, GFK was right. I wasn't in love with Freckled anymore. Little did I know, this was GFK's way of throwing himself at me. Had I dropped Freckled, GFK and I likely would have started dating not too long after.

Long story short, it took me about 6 more months to actually end my engagement. GFK and I finally had the chance to test the waters and... nothing happened. We questioned the possibility of this being a fluke for quite a while, but were able to put our tensions aside and settle into a comfortable friendship at this point.


My favorite memory of GFK is the day I graduated college. My family was in town and we were out celebrating at the bars the night before. It was looking to be a late night, so I asked GFK to make sure I was up on time in the morning. I said nothing more than this. He showed up at eight on the dot, wearing his best suit, with a coffee and doughnut in-hand to make sure this graduate was prepared to walk across the stage. He drove me there, and when I dropped my tassel without noticing, he backtracked the three blocks in the snow to try and find it.

Four years and countless trips to Starbucks later (before I graduated we had given up lying to ourselves about going to the library to "study"), I questioned him about the origins of the nickname "GFK." I'll give it to you in his words:

“It wasn’t made up. It already existed and we discovered it. It’s like that debate Aristotle had with that other guy, you know who I'm talking about. The debate was about whether or not math existed or was made up. Was it always there? Or did we make it up to explain a natural occurrence? They uncovered math. We uncovered GFK. I don’t remember the situation exactly, but I know that one day we were talking and you were telling me how something I wanted to do was going to be impossible. And I laughed and I said, ‘Who do you think you’re talking to? I’m Glen Fucking Kowalski.’ And by the grace of God, it stuck with you, and you alone. You kept it alive.”