Girls Only: Product Review (October)

Welcome to the second edition of "Girls Only: Product Review!" This month I will be treating you to two reviews. You're welcome! .... Just kidding. It's only because I don't think I have enough to say about just one of these products to fill a "respectably-sized" blog post. Also unfortunate is the fact that I won't be reviewing anything I said I might review in the September edition. I promise I'll get around to it, but here is what's piqued my interest lately!

This month I bring to you one product that I have been using for over 2 years, and the other I used for about two weeks. Because I like to end on a positive note, let's begin with the short-lived product.

In September's "Girls Only," I told my audience that I would most likely be purchasing a leave-in product to help protect my hair from my damaging styling regime. Well, instead of waiting for my birthday coupon from Aveda—which didn't actually arrive, by the way!—I made an impulse purchase when the Giant and I spotted an Aveda store at a mall near my office building. I purchased brilliant's damage control leave-in spray thinking there was no way I could go wrong with an Aveda hair-care product.

Well, I was wrong. Ish.

I hope you guys realize how ridiculously picky I am when I tell you that the reason I dislike the product isn't because it doesn't do everything it advertises. I'm sure it does. As stated on the Aveda site, it is meant to protect against damage caused by combing, heat-styling and the sun. Like I said, I'm sure it does. I also have no issues with the fragrance. Like all of Aveda's other hair-care products, I think it smells fabulous.

What I didn't like was that fact that my hair felt very coarse—kind of like fine, flexible hay—the moment I put my hair under the blow dryer. The drier my hair became, the more this feeling would give way to soft-ish feeling, clean-looking hair. Apparently I need to learn to read, because when I purchased it, I made an assumption that it would not only protect my hair, but it would leave it feeling super soft. As stated, soft-ish is marginally off the mark, and while the feeling of running my brush through a stack of tangled hay eventually does diminish greatly, the product doesn't do what I expected. Therefore, I'm going to pawn it off on someone who might not be as petty as me and wants to use it anyway. Smells fines. Works great. I just want softer hair.

Now, the entire reason I made the assumption that I know what the product does without reading the handy, descriptive "these are the things I do, and nothing more" text on the back of the bottle is because I've used another leave-in product that does exactly what any hair-obsessed product reviewer wants. The creators aptly named it it's a 10 miracle leave-in product. It costs about $6 less than Aveda's product (depending on where you buy), and it is truly a miracle product. The reason they call it "it's a ten" is because it performs ten tasks, from heat protection, to enhancing shine, to seriously softening the hair follicles.

The only issue I've ever had was caused by user error. A couple of times I've sprayed once or twice too many, and it leaves my hair feeling weighted down and kind of tacky (i.e. if I tried to run my hands through it, my fingers would get caught even though my hair wasn't tangled). So just don't overdo it (you'll figure out how much is enough for your hair type through trial and error) and you can't go wrong.

Here's a funny thing. I've already written what I would consider a "respectably-sized" blog, and I've reviewed two products, but the "it's a ten" product wasn't exactly what I had in mind, even though I have been using it for 2 years.

The second product I wanted to talk about will just have to wait till next time! But I'll give you a hint: It's in the picture!

Before I go, here's a helpful tip!

If, like me, you have very oily hair, do NOT condition from root to tip. In fact, I don't even really get close to the root. I start conditioning my hair at about chin-length, and I make sure that most of the conditioner is concentrated at the tips. This makes it so I can go almost a full two days before the oil in my hair becomes noticeable—which is saying a lot.

This girl is wrong.

This girl is sort of wrong.

Why would you contort yourself like this?
Also, super wrong.

This is where the photos of wrongdoers ends, even though the options are limitless because there isn't actually a single picture on Google of a girl conditioning her hair "correctly"—I put "correctly" in quotes because I've based the use of that word off of our understanding that we're dealing with overly-oily hair.

Fortunately, I found this crazy girl with a pair of scissors that is aimed at the exact spot where I would start spreading the conditioner down through my hair.

This girl knows what she's doing. Except, maybe if she'd conditioned her hair ever, she wouldn't be aiming a crappy pair of scissors at her tangled, frizzy hair with all its split ends. Bet you didn't consider that, you neglectful, scissor-wielding nutjob.

The Giant and I Attend a Play

This entry is going to be much more like a diary than a blog. It is simply an event that I am fond of that I’d like to remember, and it has no hidden meaning or moral lessons. Just enjoy!

Last night (October 3^rd) I went to a play with my Giant, “The Madness of Edgar Allan Poe: A Love Story.” The actors were (mostly) fantastic, but the content of the play was not my cup of tea. It had parts that really annoyed me (Poe’s repetition of the word “bells” [that was said in such a Southern dialect that I couldn’t quite decipher if “bells” was actually what he was going for] at the end of each string of nonsensical thought, and his incessant attempts to rhyme almost every word in the sentence for the first 10 minutes of the opening scene), and parts that totally blew me away.

Unfortunately, I almost ruined one of those “blow me away” moments because my Giant was too busy being awkward in the front row for me to pay attention.

This was not your average play. Instead of spending our time in an auditorium watching the play on a stage, we actually followed the actors from room to room of a mansion. At the end of each scene a woman in 19^th century garb would signal for us to stand up, and then lead us to the next scene. Each scene was from a different work (The Tell-Tale Heart, The Masque of the Red Death, The Raven, Lenore, Annabel Lee, etc.), and it showed quite clearly how Poe’s love for his wife, Virginia, constantly spilled over into his work. Also, the audience was split up into two groups, so it really confused me when the two leads, Virginia and Poe, ended up in the same scene; I wondered what the hell the other half of the audience could possibly be watching without them.

I figured this out toward the end of the play. We followed a gentleman dressed up as an officer toward a small room with three rows of chairs. He told us to fill in each row to the end, so the Giant and I followed the people in front of us down the first row of chairs, and plopped down. Unfortunately, three feet in front of my Giant was the edge of a bed which left barely any room for the actors to walk by with the Giant’s knees sticking out two feet. Not only this, but at one point the actor sat down on that edge of the bed, looked straight at my Giant, got this look of deep love soaked in madness about his face, and said the most comical line in The Tell-Tale Heart: “I loved the old man.”

The Giant swears that he only smiled because I laughed, but I told him I only laughed because I saw him starting to smile. You can’t look at my Giant, all uncomfortable in the front row (not only emotionally, but physically because he was trying so hard to move his legs out of the way that I could feel them shaking), and say with a crazed look in your eye, “I loved the old man,” and not expect me to laugh. It was one short chuckle, and then I bit down on my bottom lip so hard that it was no longer tempting to laugh. I’m glad I did that, because this actor’s performance was amazing, which we both agreed upon at the end of the night when we were driving home, laughing about that moment.

I think the Giant and I will probably stick to movies in the future, where there’s no real chance for uncomfortable laughter to ruin a scene when an actor says something loopy and then holds your gaze for too long.

"Queenie"

This is a short story I wrote about two years ago, and I figured it was time that I type it up and share. I hope you enjoy it.

She wears red nail polish and always has her nose in a book. She doesn't try to remember which novels she has and hasn't read; instead she checks for red streaks where a corner of her nail dragged across the page. She turns up her nose when women replace pants with leggings. She doesn't like pizza or chocolate chip cookies, and even though she gave in to the cell phone craze, hers never rings.

"Grandma?" I ask softly.

"Mmm?" She doesn't look to me, but tilts her head up a little, eyes fluttering back and forth across the pages. I wait ten seconds to see if she'll encourage me to continue. Having already forgotten that I addressed her, she won't. I turn on my heel and walk quietly out of the room.

I never understood why grandpa married her. He talked quickly and laughed loudly. Pizza was his favorite food and if he'd had a cell phone, all of his grandchildren—biological and self-appointed—would have called constantly.

"Maybe he would have found a reason to call grandma," I muttered, and continued the thought in my head: if he hadn't spent all of his spare time following her around the house. He might have called her just to find her. He would ask everyone in the house, "Have you seen Queenie?" Mother would reply, "I didn't know it was my turn to watch her, Martin," and she would continue to prepare dinner, sparing us from grandma's cooking.

He would smile as though he'd suddenly discovered a lead, and saunter off on a fresh trail. If he ran into a granddaughter along the way, he would kneel, put her on his knee and tell her very seriously, "You're going to be a knockout someday," with a stern finger waving dangerously close to her nose. After a genuine "I love you very much" smile, he'd lift her from his knee and pat her back gently to send her on her way. He was on a mission and couldn't suffer detainment.

I used to wonder if she ever hid from him on purpose. When he found her, he'd look at her with renewed awe, as though this was the first time he'd ever laid eyes on her. Every time, it was love at first sight.

Sometimes I would locate her whereabouts only moments before him, and when I'd turn to leave the room to announce my discovery, my forehead would run straight into his stomach. I'd stagger backward and proudly proclaim, "I found her, grandpa!" He'd smile and pat me on the head, at the same time unconsciously easing me aside to get to her.

"Queenie," he would breathe.

"For heaven's sake, Martin," she'd sigh, without looking up from her book. As if she didn't revel in the thought of being regarded as a queen.

Grandma was less interested in grandpa than he was in her. The most words I ever heard my grandmother say to him were, "Martin, you have dressing in the corner of your mouth."

Oddly enough, she didn't fully withdraw into that saggy red chair and the mysterious worlds of various books until after his death. She was always headed down that path, but without the soft pad of his feet trailing behind her, she seemed to need a distraction.

Deciding to try again, I poke my head around the door frame. "Grandma?" I actually have a question—I don't just mean to torment her. "Grandma?" I asked again, but this time my voice is laden with confusion. She isn't sitting in her big red chair, her back to the spotless windows that stretch from floor to ceiling.

As I approach, I expect to see a dent in it, permanently fixed to her shape. I put my hand on the plush red fabric. No indentation. I push down and it resits, springing back up against my strength.

"Too firm," I mutter.

I turn around and scoot up into the chair anyway. I sit there for a moment, swinging my legs out in front of me, finding delight in the hollow thump thump thump of my heels meeting the wooden legs.

She left her book—High Noon by Nora Roberts—and her thin silver reading glasses on the table nearest the chair. I put on the glasses and pick up the book, intending to mimic her.

Except, as I open the book, something falls out, something I would never expect to see in my grandmother's possession. She was using a laminated, wallet-sized photo of her and grandpa as a bookmark.

They look thirty years younger, thirty times happier. Well, grandma anyway. Grandpa, who was facing the camera with bright blue eyes and a smile at the ready, looked just as thrilled as he always had. Grandma looked nothing like the stern occupant of the red chair.

In the moment this picture was taken, they were dancing, their right hands suspended in the air toward the camera, his left hand resting on her waist, her arm disappearing under his and reappearing on his upper back as though she was trying to pull him closer. Her body language is putting no distance between them. She is not facing the camera, but grandpa, and she is caught in mid-laughter, an open-mouth smile. She is beautiful.

She is in love.

I become aware of a presence in the doorway. I didn't hear her breathing. Her footsteps were silent. I just know.

"I miss him," I say, as I lift my head to look at her.

She walks over to me, a sad smile on her face, and I hand her the book and photo.

"That's because he's worth missing." It's the first nice thing I've heard her say, and I believe her.

As I wander out of the room, she calls my name softly. I turn to look at her, daring to hope that she will talk to me more about grandpa, about the young woman in the photo who never would have dreamed she may one day abandon laughter for sighs, dancing for reading, intense love for cold indifference.

"May I have my bifocals, please?"

Girls Only: Product Reviews (September)

Throughout the years, I've noticed a huge trend in my self-esteem: I feel most beautiful when I use beauty products that are worth every shiny penny. Specifically, what my hair smells and feels like has a huge effect on my overall happiness, which is very likely why I'm drawn to expensive products. If I can feel beautiful simply by washing my hair with a specific product, isn't it worth it to spend the money on?


Shampoo: $46 / litre
Conditioner: $67.50 / litre



Because I'm going to end up buying these products anyway, I've decided to make use of that monetary loss by posting a product review every month. To define "product," I mean anything that can be found in the bathroom, specifically in the shower. And, simply because I'm addicted, chap stick counts too. This month, I've gone and done something super spiffy totally on accident: I chose a product perfect for the end of September! What better way to welcome autumn than with a shampoo and conditioner that reminds me of fallen leaves?

Down the street from where I lived in Oshkosh was Salon Mode, a beautification sanctuary overflowing with Aveda products and amazing stylists. I visited the same stylist for the 5 years I lived there, and I always walked out elated, feeling my absolute best. Between my first and last visit to the salon, my money situation fluctuated greatly—addicted as I was to the Aveda products, for the majority of the time I was living in Oshkosh, I was unable to afford Aveda, let alone regular haircuts! Every once in a while I'd splurge on an 8.5 fl oz bottle of Aveda's brilliant™ shampoo and conditioner, fall in love all over again, and mourn my dusty bank account. 

In early September I decided to put an end to the silliness of my Aveda-less shower and order whatever I wanted from the web site. I now have those huge bottles of brilliant™ shampoo and conditioner, and I also ordered a sample-sized rosemary mint shampoo that I'm very excited to try.


Another pro: shiny, healthy-
looking hair even when you're
overdue for a trim!



Aveda has a lot going for them with their brilliant™ line. Not only are the bottles earth-friendly, the shampoo and conditioner also bathe your hair in nourishing, plant-derived ingredients that relieve your scalp and locks of everyday build-up and impurities. But it's super gentle, too, so it leaves your hair feeling silky instead of stripped. Even though Aveda's products are pricey, they eliminate the need for leave-in conditioners during the post-shower/pre-styling regimen. (Please note that this doesn't mean I won't be using a leave-in product eventually. I already have one in my online shopping cart....) This is a miraculous circumstance considering I have a very hard time finding a conditioner I like. Some conditioners are really runny, and others are so thick it's like putting lotion on your hair, which leaves my scalp greasy in less than 24 hours.



This product also smells phenomenal, hence the comment about falling leaves. I wouldn't define the earthy scent as "strong" so much as "long-lasting." It will stick with you for hours after you use it, reminding you of the great service you've done for your hair.

To end this post, I'm going to share a tip with you that I wish I'd had the common sense to figure out like 20 years ago.

Unfortunately for those of us who hate having their hair pulled, most companies that manufacture styling tools create their hair brushes in two separate pieces: the handle, and the section that holds the bristles (which I'll call the "head" for lack of a known technical term). This is a stupid practice, because that little crevice where the handle meets the head is the perfect place for your hair to get caught, causing it to tangle, pull and break—which causes pain and frizzies! I bought the brown brush because it was manufactured as one piece and doesn't snag my hair. However, it is a combination of cushion and round brush (short nylon bristles and long plastic bristles), and because I have very thick hair the short bristles keep it from passing completely through and leaves my hair tangled. Plus, I don't really think the short bristles add/enhance shine or any of that jazz they advertised. If you can avoid it, try not to buy a brush that has two segments. It can be damaging and painful.

Next time I post a "Girls Only: Product Review," expect to read about either the rosemary mint shampoo, or a new face wash and lotion. Or maybe both!

I'm such a loser! And that's a good thing!

When it comes to weight loss, a lot of people only stop at counting calories. I can't knock this practice, because obviously it works. But because of my experiences with Weight Watchers, I firmly believe that calories are not the only thing you should consider. If a food is high in fat, but has very few calories, you're not doing yourself any favors.

As a Weight Watchers member, I've learned a lot of helpful tips that should have been as obvious as a Robert Pattinson's decision to ditch Kristen Stewart in response to her "momentary indiscretion." (BOOM.) Per WW's advice, I have made a significant effort to drink more water. I read in multiple articles that if you drink a glass of water about 30 minutes before each meal, you will not only eat less, but it helps your body break down the food. Also, thirst is commonly confused for hunger, and water can be incredibly filling. But if you're a crazypants like some people I've met and you don't like water, there are other options. Black coffee, diet sodas, or a bouillon cube dissolved in one cup of water are all appetite suppressants worth zero points. My mom and I also really like Ice.

A concept that I struggled with for the first 10 weeks is WWs' claim that you can eat whatever you want. But let us consider the following scenario: you could either eat 6 McDonald's Chicken McNuggets for 7 points, or you could eat 7 ounces of a boneless, skinless chicken breast. Seems reasonable, right? It's 7 points either way. But when you consider the way Points Plus Values (PPVs) are calculated—the PPVs increase the higher the fat, carbs, and protein are—it really doesn't make any sense that you should be eating McNuggets over a grilled chicken breast. With McNuggets, your 7 points are fat and protein, and with the chicken breast, your points are mainly protein, making the chicken breast the healthier choice. The chicken breast will also satisfy you much longer because it takes your body more time to process protein than it does carbs. Also, you get way more food with a 7 ounce chicken breast than 6 McNuggets. (And just to cover my ass, I am by no means trying to bring down McD's. I used to work there, and I love their food. In fact, I love their food so much that I can guarantee I wouldn't be as heavy as I am had I made healthy choices during my 2.5 years as their employee.)

A hearty "mmm" to both.

I'm really not trying to argue that the WW's slogan of "you can eat anything you like" is misleading. Quite the contrary, I'm pointing out exactly what WW has taught me to realize through this motto. You can absolutely eat anything you want, but they just want you to make smart choices. If you decide to have a WW-friendly meal, you can indulge in a HUGE plate for about 12 points (think corn on the cob, chicken or steak, a vegetable of your choice, and a side salad with light dressing). But if you know you want to splurge, I would suggest you save your weekly points (you get 49 extra points per week) and control your portion sizes when that moment comes. Take the time to read labels, and be cognizant of the food you're putting in your mouth, and you can't go wrong.

Hi, my name is Death von Temptation. I live at Dairy Queen, and while I am probably the most delicious thing on earth, I’m worth 37 points, which is 76% of your weekly points. Don’t I seem so much less tempting when you realize what else you could have eaten if you'd ordered a small?

Shall we take a moment to elaborate on what I mean by "cognizant of the food you're putting in your mouth?" I heard a story at one of my WW meetings that made me face-palm, even though I was new to the program. One of the members had decided to go out to eat at Portillo's, an American-style restaurant in Illinois. Portillo's has an amazing chopped salad, which sounds like a great choice because lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, and onions are free of points. Even icky celery is free. But the ditalini pasta, bacon, and Gorgonzola cheese are a lot of points, not to mention Portillo's super fatty housemade dressing. The salad is huge, though, so I'm sure you could get away with eating half of it and not completely slaughter your points for the day. Like I said, just pay attention to the foods you're eating, because buzzwords like "diet" or "light" or "100 calories" aren't synonymous with low point values.

And now to be very, very clear. I would suggest WW to anyone who is down on themselves and completely at a loss on how to get started. I started WW in May, and I've lost a total of 15 pounds (which could have been more had I dug my heels in and stuck to the program the entire 3 months). However, I only follow the program and weigh in on the same day every week. I do not stick around for the meetings. For some reason it just doesn't do it for me to have everyone clap for my success. While I appreciate the sentiment, it doesn't motivate me. In lieu of meetings, I surf the web site. The WW site has everything you need if you're willing to take the time to sort through recipes, advice columns, and success stories. With the web site, you have endless meetings at your fingertips. And when you go to weigh in, they will give you a weekly pamphlet that is totally worth the whopping 5 minutes it takes to read, and it pretty well sums up the meeting highlights.

If you do start the program, my main suggestions are: 1. Track every single point that goes in your mouth, and 2. Do not quit. A lot of people think that with the knowledge they gain about making smart choices and counting PPVs, they can stop spending the money and do it on their own. I have heard so many stories about how this theory fails. Every. Single. Time. I'm not exactly sure why this is, but considering the weight I've lost while on the program, I'm really not in an experimental mood. My guess is that is has something to do with the fact that you're spending money every month. It would be a huge waste to spend $50 per month and not benefit, so that keeps me motivated. (Keep in mind that this is way less than you would be spending on any other weight loss program.)

Track like crazy, stick with the program, and make smart choices! Ironically, by posting this blog I have made a very poor choice. I should have chosen something other than the turtle pecan cluster to pick on.

You can be done reading here, but if you want

suggestions about good foods to eat, keep reading.

For those of you who are like me and you can't stand handling food unless it's on its way to your mouth, here are some quick and easy ideas on how to feed yourself, no pans or ovens involved. (And for those of you who like to cook, the Weight Watchers web site has a tremendous amount of recipe ideas, and most of them look delicious.)

Taco Bell has a Fresco Menu. I order 3 grilled steak soft tacos "fresco style," and that is only 11 points... but whenever I eat out, I add a 1- or 2-point buffer. You can get hard or soft shell, with steak, chicken or ground meat, but you do have to specify "fresco style." It's delicious.

Jimmy John's has the Unwich. You can get any sandwich on the menu as an Unwich, which means they remove the bread and wrap your sub in lettuce instead. A Turkey Tom, Pepe or Big John unwich will cost you  2 whole points. The Thinny chips will cost you 3.5 points per ounce, and there are 2 ounces per serving. But with a 2-point sub, you can probably spend the 7 points on the bag of chips if you want them, like I would. And pickles are free of points, so consider those too!

And even though I might have spoken against McD's earlier, they still have options. The 10-piece McNugget is 13 points, which is good for a lunch or dinner if you ate lightly during other meals, or skipped snacks. The Big Mac (without Big Mac sauce) is 12 points (14 points with the sauce), and the Quarter Pounder without cheese is 11 points. Their fruit and maple oatmeal is 7 points, which is a great breakfast or dinner idea.

Don't forget about Weight Watchers endorsed products like Smart Ones, Lean Cuisines, Lean Pockets, and Healthy Choice, just to name a few of the more popular brands. If you are craving Chinese food or pizza, they have a crap-ton of choices to satisfy you. Lean Pockets have pizza varieties that are 6 or 7 points, and I've eaten plenty of delicious Healthy Choice Steamers meals for 8 points to kick my craving for Chinese food. There are also individual serving thin crust pizzas out there for 8 or 9 points, depending on if you get just cheese, pepperoni, or margarita.

Also, Skinny Cow is a godsend. They have a Heavenly Crisp bar that, granted, is not at all filling, but holy buckets is it the most delicious chocolate bar I've ever had for 3 points. As opposed to a Hershey's bar, which will cost you 6 points, and I just think Hershey's isn't as good anyway. There are other things too, like Special K Pastry Crisps, worth 3 points for 2 crisps.

Progresso Light makes a MEAN clam chowder, and they have a ton of other varieties as well. Each serving is 2 points, and there are 2 servings per can. You can have a huge bowl of soup for 4 points!

If you like eggs for breakfast, I would suggest using refrigerated eggwhite substitute. Eggs themselves are actually kind of high in PPVs (I think 2 points per egg), but 3/4 of a cup of refrigerated substitute is 1 point. That's plenty for an egg, canadian bacon, and (1/2 slice of) cheese on an english muffin in the morning.

At work, I like to snack on Triscuits, which are (for most varieties) 1 point for 2 crackers. I also really like Pretzel Crisps (which Weight Watchers has their own brand of) at 3 points for 11 pretzels. Also, Laughing Cow Cheese has Light cheese wedges that are less than 1 point each. I like to get plain pretzel crisps and top them with cheese for a 4 point snack.

I think the snack that will give you the most bang for the least...uh, buck... is chips and salsa. For most baked tortilla chip varieties, you can have like 24 chips for a whopping 4 points. And most salsas are FREE of points. You could have 48 chips (which is a PILE) for 8 points! The other option is beef jerky. If you shop at Aldi, you can get a CHEAP bag of beef jerky and the whole bag is only 6 points because it's all protein.

Never forget: fruits and vegetables are zero points. I usually bring an apple, nectarine, grapes, or cherries to work for snacking purposes. Keep in mind that even though corn and potatoes come from the ground (which I think technically classifies them as vegetables?), I don't consider these items vegetables, because an ear of corn is 2 points, and a baked potato is enough points that I haven't bothered to look it up. So I call these "starches."

Lastly, I will never ever ever give up on popcorn. I searched high and low, and Jolly Time Healthy Pop is a dream come true at 3 points for 4 cups of popped popcorn. I think you get something like 8-10 cups of popped popcorn per bag, and it's totally worth the 6-8 points in my book.

My point is: Don't think you're limited or have to start cooking. When I started with the program, I had a panic attack for the first two weeks. I wouldn't eat anything that wasn't in the book, or had a point value on the box. When my mom cooked a keish for breakfast our first weekend on the program, it pissed me off and a half. I was all, "How dare you cook something that I can't count?!" But if you measure all the ingredients you're using, and calculate the PPVs, you can eat ANYTHING. Don't panic. There is an answer for everything, and always a healthy substitute to consider.

Sites that have helped me on my 3-month journey:

Exercise 4 Weight Loss: Weight Watchers Points

Dotti's Weight Loss Zone: Restaurant List

PPV Calculator

One More Pound

Minneapolis, MN

Holy crap. Not only can I not say "Minneapolis" without thinking super hard about it, but I can't spell Minnesota without Google's help. This should be a fun blog. Maybe I'll stick to mostly pictures?

On August 16th, 2012, the Giant and I went on a 5-day trip to Minneapolis and the surrounding areas. I decided that instead of packing a bunch of activities into our 3 available days (we spent all day driving on the 16th and 20th), we would spend most of our time being super lazy in the hotel. I would classify my job as high-stress, though often times enjoyable anyway, which made me think that the best philosiphy would be to "relax and wing it."

Of course, I didn't want the 8-hour drive to be boring, so we went about 30 minutes out of our way to visit La Crosse, WI, where I used to live. We saw my old house, my favorite restaurant, and even made time to drive up Grandad's bluff and take some pictures.

"The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come again."
The Giant said that is the worst advice he's ever been given. I agree.

On our first full day in Minnesota, the Giant and I went to the Mall of America. Truly, it was awesome. It's huge and bright and chaotic, and the rides have virtually no lines because everyone is busy being a silly pants and shopping instead of riding.

The rides.

The most amazing Lego display I've ever seen.

That night (Friday) we went to have dinner with my original work director at Wells Fargo. She left Chicago for an underwriting position back in her hometown, so we are happy for her, but we miss her to death. I cannot express how much fun it was to see her again, and meet her husband! In fact, they got married the very weekend the Giant and I were in Minnesota! Congratulations to them both, because they're perfect together.

The second day (Saturday) we spent mostly at the hotel. As part of the Giant's birthday celebration (his birthday was on the 22nd so I decided to use the entirety of the vacation to celebrate), we ordered room service. I almost wish we hadn't, because their chicken wings were the most delicious wings I've ever had. They were crispy and juicy in all the right ways, and they were flavorful. If you ever get a chance to go through Plymouth, MN, you need to stop at Woody's Grille and try their wings.

After half the day was brilliantly used up on eating wings and watching Shark Week, we decided to get off our butts and go to the nearest waterfall, which was in Minnehaha Park.

And then we found a cannon. After launching an attack, I tried to make it bend to my will. It didn't work, but it was fun to try.

On the third day (God created dry land and plants?) we visited the restaurant that was the entire reason we planned the trip in the first place: Space Aliens Grill & Bar. The food was REALLY good, and the decor was amazing! I tried to take a bunch of pictures of the decorations, but it was difficult considering the lighting was very dark and my camera is just really bad.


The outside and inside.

The cieling and walls.

On the ride home we decided to stop at the Crystal Cave in Spring Valley, Wisconsin.

For anyone going on a long drive, I would highly recommend stopping at a cool restaurant, or going somewhere for sightseeing purposes just to break up the drive. It helps a lot. The drive felt really short, and we were able to do something active together every day of our vacation.

Random Thoughts for Lack of a More Focused Blog Idea, but it Beats not Posting for Another Month

Because I've been going through a dry spell, here are some thoughts that I frequently have, but I’m not really sure how to turn them into a full blog. They cross my mind a lot, but I don’t focus on them for any length of time.

Marriage—So many of my friends are engaged or are already married. (Congratulations to my beautiful sister, by the way, who just became engaged this past weekend!) I wonder what it would be like to spend the vast majority of my time outside of work with the same person day after day for many years, possibly even the rest of my years. Am I capable? I think of how selfish I am with my time and my money, and I wonder if “willing” to compromise will translate into “able” when the time comes.

Money—Before this job became permanent (which just happened this past August, yay me!), I was constantly worried about saving money. And even though the job title is permanent, that doesn't really relieve me of these worries. I still wonder how much money I should save for a trip before I fulfill my travel plans? After all my bills are subtracted from my paycheck, how much can I put in my savings account and still afford to treat myself? Though I love long vacations that take months of planning and saving, I am very much an instant gratification type of person—my vices are books, eating out, and hair-care products. However, I do realize that if money were to become tight those are the exact things I would have to give up. No matter what, I am determined never to fall backward into that nightmarish place where the best you can do is “make ends meet" and hope that some amazing miracle happens and money is suddenly in abundance for no apparent reason.

Losing Weight—Not only do I feel horrible about my body image (I swear I get more malicious toward myself with every pound lost), I am also concerned with my health. It’s frustrating and heartbreaking to buy a larger pant-size, but it’s also embarrassing to have to go through the wiggle dance every morning to try and shimmy my pants over my hips. Lately I’ve been struggling with Weight Watchers, and I think it started in Minnesota. I went to MN specifically for a restaurant, so I really wasn’t watching what I ate during vacation. I’m having a hard time losing that weight now, and really struggling to keep it off once I do lose it. I feel more lost than I did before I was part of a program with a support group! I’ve started to consider working out, but that is a painful experience, even though I use all of the inhalers prescribed to me. (For those of you who don’t know, I have acute asthma with three triggers: cold weather, cigarette smoke, and exercise.) At any rate, three months ago I hit the weight I told myself I would NEVER reach, and I’m determined not to go back down that road.

Let's just say the Giant and I were incredibly liberal in our food choices.

Family vs. Love Life—This past April I was faced with the difficult decision of going to Florida with my parents, or the Giant and his family. Of course I chose to visit Disney World for the first time in ten years because it’s what I wanted to do. But I was worried about the affect my decision would have on my family’s feelings. In this situation, there are no serious consequences because my parents would rather I have the experience that’ll make me the happiest. What about holidays, though, where do I spend those? The Giant brought this idea up the other day, and I grazed right over it. No thanks, not a thought I want to have right now. I don’t like disappointing my family, even though I’m a big girl and can do whatever I want, which they constantly remind me. But that doesn’t liberate me of guilt.

Next time I will post about my adventures in Minnesota with the Giant. Maybe I'll even throw a few overdue pictures up there from Disney World!

Making Plans

Very recently I had to change the "About Me" section of my profile. It used to read that the focus of this blog was going to be travel, but in April of this year I made two back-and-forth trips on planes and realized that they scare the shit out of me.

In the second week of April I went to Kentucky to visit my Newly Wed friend, who I think I've mentioned at some point—probably back in April. The flight there was okay; I barely noticed that I was uncomfortable except during moments of turbulence, but I could distract myself by reading. The flight back from Kentucky was slightly worse, and every time we hit turbulence I was convinced that puddle jumper was going to fall straight out of the sky. Making turns scared the crap out of me, because the air would hit the bottom of the plane, and all I could think was we were going to be forced upside down. I would just put my book down and accept that my life was about to end.

The trip to Disney World in the last week of April was even worse. I was reaching the point where I wanted to break out into tears during takeoff, but I wouldn't let myself do it. I was sitting next to a girl who also looked like she wanted to cry, and I was determined not to be sitting in "that row of women who were batshit." But on the flight home, with the Giant sitting next to me, I cried my eyes out. Because the Giant is so tall, he usually gets exit aisle accommodations, but he decided to sit with me (I've never seen him look so cramped*) in order to hold my hand while I cried during takeoff. I've always had an issue with turbulence, but takeoff has never bothered me. It's an odd new fear that I don't appreciate because I was hoping to do a lot of traveling in the future. Obviously I still will, but I'm going to do what I can to avoid planes. I think my cap is going to be 9 hours: anything less than that I am willing to drive.

With this in mind, the Giant and I were talking tonight about places we'd like to visit. Last night I was on Facebook watching a video of one of my friends who recently moved to Canada. On the way up, she stayed the night in North Dakota and went to Space Aliens Bar & Grill. Now I really want to go there, but the closest one is an eight hour drive. I started to wonder if there was a similar restaurant close by, which there isn't, but it lead me to a couple other places I'd like to go.

1. Ed Debevic's — I've been here before, but it's been a while and I'd really like to revisit their good food and fresh service.

2. The Cave Restaurant and Resort — It's a restaurant. In a cave.

3. Traverse City, MI — I went here with my family when I was very young. I lost my favorite penguin on that trip. His name was Doopey. It was very sad.

4. Cedar Point — I've also been here, but I was young and don't remember much.

5. St. Louis, MO — There is another Six Flags there with different rides!

6. Door County, WI — There are so many places I want to go here, I have no idea where to start.

If you have any suggestions, please let me know! I'd like to keep to the Midwest for now because I'd like to be able to travel by land.

*The only other time I've seen the Giant look severely cramped was on the monorail in Disney World. He was actually too tall, and he had to cock his head to the side and bend his knees. I laughed at him the whole ride to the park because I'm a bad girlfriend!

Facing the Music

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.
-Victor Hugo

Sorry Victor, but I just don't think it's that complicated anymore.

A thought struck me the other day--and I'm sure I'm not the first. Lately I've been incredibly disappointed in music. I love music; I love music so much I can't say "I love music" enough to get my point across. But I'm kinda bored with it right now and I'm constantly changing the station because it's the same crap day after day.

And then I began to consider that maybe today's music doesn't necessarily suck, it's just the music that the radio stations choose to play. If someone was completely ignorant and listened to the same station every day, I firmly believe they would think that the world only has 100 songs in it at any given time. We hear the same music every few hours and even if it was good music to begin with, it wouldn't take many cycles to get bored of it.

Unfortunately, most music on these radios stations is already bad, and there are a few relatively new groups/artists I'm already sick of. On top of that list are:

1. Nicki Minaj

2. LMFAO

3. Karmin

The first two should be self-explanatory, so I'm not going to insult my readers with a lengthy paragraph about why Nicki Minaj and LMFAO have no musical talent whatsoever.

"Say whaaaaaaaaat?!"

However, I'm really disappointed in Karmin. I was a big follower of theirs when they were just a cute little duo on YouTube. Now their song, "Broken Hearted," is on the radio constantly and I hate it. The lead singer, Amy, sounds exactly like Nicki Minaj with the way she goes back and forth between singing and rapping. That tactic is fine, really, but there can't be two artists getting more famous by the minute off the same schtick.

I've never done this before, but I do want to shout out to this blog I found, because I think this quote is amazing: "The rapping. It's like an Internet joke gone retroviral, a train flying off the tracks to the delight of people who think every tragedy is an opportunity for LOLZ." Click here to check out the full article.

And I know this may come as a shock, but Amy is actually NOT British. Even though she says "Cheerio!" five times throughout the song. Stop. It.

Another thing I want to talk about is something that I simply find funny. When I first saw it in an Internet advertisement, I thought it was "sooooo true." But when I thought just a wee bit harder, I realized this is probably not just a problem of modern-day music. What I'm talking about is the lyrics of today versus the lyrics of yesterday. Take the song, "Bohemian Rhapsody" for example:

"Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality.
Open your eyes, 
Look up to the skies and see,
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,
Because I'm easy come, easy go, 
Little high, little low,
Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to 
me, to me."

Pretty heavy shit, right? Now, do you remember in high school English when your teacher asked you, "What do these lyrics mean?" I just don't think you can try that with most of today's music. For example, let's look at the first modern-day song that came to mind:

"I like that boom boom pow
Them chickens jackin' my style
They try copy my swagger
I'm on that next shit now

I'm so 3008
You so 2000 and late
I got that boom, boom, boom
That future boom, boom, boom
Let me get it now

Boom boom boom, gotta get-get
Boom boom boom, gotta get-get
Boom boom boom, gotta get-get
Boom boom boom, gotta get-get"

Wait, I'm sorry, what? There are chickens jackin' your style, or is that supposed to be slang for something? Simple fix: if a chicken jacks you, jack it back and eat it! And what does it mean to be "3008?" This is in no way metaphorical, and you can't be a number. Silly Black Eyed Peas. Also, your name should technically be "Black-Eyed Peas." This, children, is called a compound modifier. Both "black" and "eyed" are acting together to modify the noun, and this requires a hyphen. Just saying.

I wouldn't mess with this chicken if he were jackin' my style.

Back to business: As I stated, I'm sure there are plenty of songs from earlier generations with awful lyrics. I just think that bad lyrics are in much higher abundance these days, but there are also a lot more songs to choose from, too.

Well, it started off as a valiant effort on my part, but it spiraled downwards as I realized I simply can't justify the music and lyrics of today. And I don't care how much you like "Bohemian Rhapsody." At least Queen completed their thoughts, and used words that make sense next to each other.

Dover

One of my favorite stories to tell people--it's quite possibly my number one favorite--occurred on my month-long stay in Cambridge, England. It is a wonderful memory about which I have no complaints. Except for the person with whom I share it, perhaps. Of course, this is England, so we're talking about the Woman here.

I was there for his birthday weekend, and I wanted to do something very special for him. He was living in England for almost a year at that point, and he'd never ventured very far off the base. If I recall correctly, he hadn't even been to London before I visited.

By the weekend of his birthday I had been to multiple cities, castles, and other general places of interest, but I knew he'd be most impressed by Dover castle.

We got there a late, and of course I was irritated. I had wanted to take him to the Secret Wartime Tunnels that wind their way through the white cliffs of Dover beneath the castle. We missed this opportunity by a measly 10 minutes. Not only this, we were unable to truly see the castle because we were rushing through it. I think the "10 minutes to close" announcement was being made as we walked through the entrance.

After rushing to the top of the castle (with a castle guard hot on our tails to kick us out), we snapped some quick pictures from the view up-top, and then made our way out to the castle grounds.

The other half of his birthday plan was to swim in the English Channel.

Now, every day up until his birthday had been incredibly hot. Apart from a slight drizzle every day that lasted anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes, it was blazing hot under the sun; perfect swimming weather. Which of course meant that on the day we decided to go swimming, it was going to be a breezy 65 degrees at best, leaving the English Channel "unswimable."

Because we were unable to swim in the Channel, we decided to walk up and down the beach because there looked to be some food stands down by a pier. We ordered a bunch of seafood which smelled great but was okay at best. When we finished, we walked back up the beach, planning to return to the car and drive home completely defeated.

I realize that up until this point I have done nothing but complain, so I'd like to retract my previous comment of "I have no complaints." But remember how I said that this is my favorite story to tell people?

On our way back to the car, we spotted one of those virtual roller coaster machines, so we forked over the ₤3 each to try and reclaim the excitement of the day. After a minute and a half of money well-spent, we came out of the machine to a completely different atmosphere.

The sidewalks were filling up with people, and as we walked closer to where our trek had begun, we realized that the promenade had transformed into a regular road-side attraction.

As we were making our way toward food tents and mini-rides, we heard a man announce over a loud-speaker, "Are you guys ready for the fireworks tonight?"

I had no idea what was going on, but I was totally ready to see the fireworks. We ran down the beach toward the source of the sound to figure out what was going on, and I quickly realized I'd have to wait because it was at least two hours before the fireworks began. Luckily, whoever had planned this show had thought this through. To entertain us, they played music and let us dance on the beach with Dover Castle and the white cliffs in the background.

I'm just going to stop there. What else could I possibly say to make the situation any more amazing? Besides of course:

Playing Favorites

I'm sort of on this superhero kick, what with "The Avengers" in April, "The Amazing Spider-Man" a week ago, and the long-awaited end to arguably the best superhero trilogy of all time, "Batman: The Dark Knight Rises." The first movie was fantastic, the second was phenomenal, and the previews for the third make it look epic, so I am really excited. So excited, in fact, that back in April I put in a request for PTO for this Friday. That was four months ago.

Last night I was watching "Batman Begins," and I was thinking about how insanely cool Bruce Wayne is. But then it struck me how incredibly unfair it is to say that, because his situation is perfect. Bruce is a good guy, no doubt, but he also has a billion dollars, all the time in the world, and a deeply disturbing grip on revenge. This makes it effortless for Bruce to be Batman.

Ooh la la.

Now let's look at superhero Tony Stark. Forgetting the fact that he is the most beautiful man to ever put on an iron suit, take one off, walk the earth, etc etc, Tony Stark is your average guy whose "heart problems" make any woman weak in the knees with sympathy. As if his stunning good looks weren't enough.

Oh, wait, that's right. He also has a bajillionty million dollars, a very flexible schedule, and a level of intelligence on par with whatever Einstein + Da Vinci + Newton equals. And maybe throw in Aristotle and Mozart for good measure. Tony may not have lost his parents to a desperate thug, but he has a life-altering experience in the cave with Dr. Yinsen when he discovers that his weapons are being misused. So, while Iron Man may come out on top with the coolest looking gear, he's still just another billionaire driven by guilt to transform into a protector of the innocent. I'd really like for him to be my favorite, though, because he's rich, witty, and brilliant.

The other superhero I'm going to rule out, without much explanation, is Superman. He can do everything, and his only weakness is kryptonite from the planet Krypton, which is anywhere from 50 light years to 2.5 million light years from Earth. Either way, that's too far, and we can't get there. Superman is completely unfair and I'm done talking about him.

After considering all of this, last night I began a search for my favorite superhero. My first instinct was Captain America simply because of his humble origins. He's also stronger than Tony Stark and Batman if you rid the latter two of their suits. And, Captain America is just inherently good and proud of his country, and badly wants to fight for America and all it stands for. Then I noticed what this means: he is the exact same person from exposition to denouement. Unfortunately, his unwavering dedication to his "good guy" persona also makes him very boring to me. Correct me if I'm wrong, because it's a few months since I've seen the movie, but the only change Captain America undergoes is a physical one, from scrawny to buff. In addition to all that, I have no interest in 1940's America. American history isn't as interesting to me as maybe it should be.

What I do have an interest in is mythology, and watching Chris Hemsworth parade around acting like a self-absorbed god. While Thor's origins may not be quite as humble as I'd prefer, he is forced into humility by, get this: humiliation! Thor's arrogance earns him mortality, and a trip to Earth where he learns, albeit hilarious, smashing your cup and declaring "Another!" does not mean, "Wow, this beverage is delicious!" to your average bystander. Okay, he didn't actually learn an important lesson for this brutish behavior, but I like that part of the movie.

I would argue that Thor undergoes the biggest change as a character. He is completely stripped of power and betrayed by the closest person to him. It's a lot to juggle, even for a god, but I think Thor does a wonderful job in quickly realizing that there is more to being a king than fearlessness and outstanding battle tactics.

I would have liked to talk about more superheroes, but there are way too many. So I'll leave you with these charmers for now.