Clicking into Place

Don't sweat the little things. There are more important things in life to enjoy. Cleaning your car? Open trunk, put stuff in trunk. I think that is what they are really for. Relationships? You're the girl. The guy should be sweating keeping you happy. If he isn't then he needs to meet your Uncle.
-My Dad's Brother


I did it again! While two weeks ago it was pictures from eight years ago, today I was looking at five year old pictures thinking to myself, "Oh my God, I was beautiful then, too!" My immediate follow-up response is, "I would do anything to be that weight again." Okay. Obviously not. I have an inhaler, and all I would need to do is take two puffs, throw on some running shoes, and get to getting. But here I am, having a meltdown over a messy room.

The only thing I'm not stressing over right now is my job. Work is easy. I wake up early Monday through Friday, I do my job, and then I come home. Nothing else makes sense. From my messy room, to my wreck of a love-life, nothing is the way it should be.

I had a painful falling out with the "special someone" I mentioned in my last blog. The situation only took me a few days to get over, but I wasn't prepared for the way it ended. We were having communication issues, and since we were only two months in I found that to be a good enough reason to move on. I tried pulling the plug in a civil manner last Saturday, but he managed to talk me out of it. Well, I really wish I had just walked away, because it would have saved me from a barrage of spiteful texts consisting of, "I used you, I cheated on you, and you're fat." He knew exactly what to say to hurt me; these were all fears I had expressed multiple times. Which is why it was so easy to move on. GFK calls this "The Flail." My ex took everything he knows I'm insecure about and ran rampant with it. He said these things to assure that I would hurt more than him.

I know he cared about me. I know he didn't think I was fat. But the cheating part is really up in the air; I'd always suspected he might be. I mean, come on. If you leave at 5pm, it doesn't take three hours to get home from downtown Chicago taking the I-55. In addition to his late nights, he had insight into my life that I never gave him.... For instance, I opened his fridge one night and there was a Twix bar on the shelf. I said, "Oh, I love Twix! How did you know?" He laughed and said, "You told me they're your favorite."

Funny story: No I didn't! We had never talked about candy, and Twix is not my favorite. I laughed and said, "Maybe you're confusing me with someone else." This was probably two weeks into our relationship, and it was at that moment that I thought to myself, "Maybe he IS confusing me with someone else. Maybe he has a girl in the city." So the fact that he told me I was "too stupid to see the signs" was completely inaccurate. Remember how I mentioned he and I had communication issues? They were of the "dude doesn't listen" variety.

Because I can't think of an appropriate segue, I'll just give you a heads up:

I'm changing the topic now!

I had a phenomenal birthday. I walked in last Thursday morning and my desk looked like this:

I was touched beyond words. Especially when my entire team came to my desk at 2pm with a cupcake and a candle, a birthday card, and a gift. It was the best birthday I've ever had, and I'm so grateful for the people at Wells Fargo.